a special report
by “The Spindletop Kid”
Few diversions are sweeter after a day’s worth of trail riding than wetting your dry gullet at some amiable waterin hole, ordering up a mess of viddles and testing your acumen in a friendly game of saloon trivia. But with Pour Brothers cantina vanishing like bison on the plains, and trivia nights at Luke’s Icehouse and Madison’s in the used-to-be, it’s gettin to wear a cowpoke can’t rustle up a game no more.
Well pardner, don’t start to caterwaulin. I done roped a list of the best games left West of the Neches and put her down here in order of my most beliked. Next time you’re hankerin for a spell of saloon trivia you’ll be armed with five beans in the wheel.
artwork by Russell Smith
#3 Monthly Trivia @ Little Woodrow’s 6210 Phelan Blvd, Beaumont, TX When: Monthly on different days at 7pm. (Check their Facebook Events.) Pros: Best attended. Cons: Irregular schedule. Themed.
Far and away the most popular, trivia at Little Woodrow’s gets as crowded as a cat house on nickel night. Up to eight are allowed in a posse, so hire on a few hands when you go. It’s also the bettermost game for greenhorns if’n they’re familiar with the subject matter. Every night has a particular theme (such as Twilight, or Mr. William Farrell). You best know Schitt’s Creek from shinola if that’s the topic. A special bounty is paid for cleverest name, so come outfitted with a sidesplitter.
#2 Geeks Who Drink @ Dylan’s Bar & Grill
8601 9th Ave, Port Arthur, TX
When: Every Tuesday at 7pm.
Pros: The most prizes. Rock solid schedule.
Cons: Questions answered by cell phone. Can be noisy.
Dylan’s is a daisy. Geeks Who Drink pioneered pub trivia in these parts, and Sheriff Stephanie still wears her tin star. Her weekly game is a hoot and as reliable as ten dimes making a dollar. Plus Dylan’s being of the restaurant persuasion means it’s easy to order up plate of beans from the chuckwagon or a snort of coffin varnish.
I found the regulars churlish, and questions could be hard to hear over their ruckus. Also, answers are given by telephone so games rest on the honor system. That can be a hair in the butter if some low down cheat wears a black hat with his duds. Still, Geeks Who Drink doles out more rewards than any other trivia in the county, so if you’re quick on the draw and got half the sense God gave a goose then you’ll be well fixed to hit pay dirt.
#1 Brainstormer Trivia @ The Logon Café & Pub
3805 Calder Ave, Beaumont, TX
When: Most Monday nights at 7:30pm. (Not on 2nd Mondays of the month.)
Pros: Drink specials. Good music. Answer on paper.
Cons: None!
The Logon Café wins this whole dang shootin match for best trivia. It’s where Hangin’ Donny Avery is the law and you’ll find folk of a friendly disposition, questions to stimulate the intellect, and songs that keep boots a tappin. Brainstormer is what Geeks Who Drink had been before it got played on telephones, and saloon keepers at Logon sell their firewater on special if you’ve a mind to bend your elbow. They’re also amenable to lasso you some grub or boil up coffee with that fancy calf slobber on top.
Now you’ve no excuse to sit lonesome in the bunkhouse if’n you got a mite of book learnin and the sand for a challenge. I hear tell round the campfire there’s another monthly game at Five Below Golf Center. Maybe I’ll cowboy up and give her a try just to see whichaway the cat jumps.
Easy trails, buckaroos.
The Spindletop Kid